The sagas
rewritten by drunk monks and overconfident raiders…
Saga of the Half-Empty Horn
Feckit Larger edition
Long ago, in a smoky tavern somewhere between Dublin and Valhalla, Bjorn the Mild once tried to pace himself.
It was a mistake.
He swore one horn of beer would “do the job.” But halfway down, he began to question everything:
Why stop now?
Would Odin have stopped?
Would his ex, Freya the Fearsome, have stopped before throwing his axe out the window?
Bjorn raised his half-empty horn, muttered the sacred words “Ah, feck it”, and drained the rest.
Moments later he was wrestling a goat for honour (the goat won), composing poetry to the barmaid, and inventing what historians later called “karaoke.”
So raise your own half-empty horn. You’re already halfway to glory.
Feck It Lager — The Saga Starts Here.
Battle of the Burning Tongue
Feckit IPA edition
They said only a fool would drink the brew of fire.
So naturally, Ragnar the Idiot volunteered first.
It began as a friendly wager — who could handle the “Bitter Breath of Loki,” a new pale ale brewed by monks who hated everyone equally.
Ragnar took one gulp, turned the colour of an embarrassed lobster, and declared,
“Tis grand! Burns like me mother’s temper!”
By the third sip, he was seeing visions of dragons, proposing to a barrel, and challenging the sun to “come outside if you’re hard enough.”
He lost that fight too.
Legend says his tongue still tingles in Valhalla.
Ours does too, after a pint of Feck It IPA.
Feck It IPA — Raid Your Tastebuds.
Darkness at Dawn
Feckit Stout edition
When the night refused to end, Torvald the Sleepless decided to help it along.
He poured himself a pint so black the candles gave up trying to shine through it.
“Breakfast,” he declared.
“Dinner,” said the bartender.
“Feck it,” said Torvald, and drank anyway.
By sunrise, he’d written poetry to the moon, confessed his sins to a chair, and started a cult dedicated to “the sacred nap.”
They met every morning. They never accomplished anything.
But they did have perfect attendance.
Feck It Stout — Brings Out the Darkness in You.

